When I was on the tarmack ...on the runway ride to re-boot my writing routine rut, I started thinking about how I was going to use these 23 days away from everything I normally do to get out of my writing rut. I remember feeling so anxious about this travel trip. I started writing ....here is what emerged...
Five Italian cities in 21 days completely removing me from my comfort zone. Why? Because I don't like the part of travel that takes me out of my comfort zone and forces me to face fears I hate to look at. Like the fear I have of any God Dam unknown! Then you put me front and center with 12,000 miles from home and planes, trains and an unfamiliar language and my crazy Italian Mexican husband's idea and plan to take me to five cities in Italy to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, which is actually so sweet. But I was getting so consumed by my fears from my unstable childhood of nightly beatings and unknown safety daily that rather than being able to feel joy , elation, excitement, appreciation, I approached the journey in a state of fear, anxiety, panic. I was afraid of the transitions to come.... SFO to NYC, NYC to Milan, Milan to Bellagio, Bellagio to Venice, Venice to Florence, Florence to Lucca. Then, Lucca back to Milan to NYC to SFO for the return.
My Brain almost exploded, but stayed sane through prayer really. It has been a constant challenge for me to face fear and in that process I struggled to appreciate my wonderful partner who cared enough to mark the moment our marriage has made it to. My struggle to appreciate began on that runway.